her vagine was all disorganized.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
