Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
