everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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