i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
