I can text with my tongue
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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