I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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