Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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