I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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