went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
