And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
