Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
