if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
