this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
