Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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