Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
