she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
