glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The air taste purple.
Randomize
