playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
