Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
