im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
