I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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