ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
