I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
