Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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