How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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