Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
