I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
