I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
