she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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