I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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