and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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