I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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