I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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