i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize