nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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