He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
