Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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