Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
