I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
should my penis look like a turkey
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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