we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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