I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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