I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
