Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
