I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
