pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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