Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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