his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
