hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
