OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize