I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
