You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
