his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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