I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
