The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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