I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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