Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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