My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
