I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
