I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
