Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
