Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
