remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
