I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
