Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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