Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
