it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
