were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
