Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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