Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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