I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
