Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
