Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
